Do you ever get the impression from social media that solving problems in your life is as easy as believing it into reality?
Have you ever fallen into the trap of thinking that positive thinking alone will get you the life you want?
I get sucked in by that sometimes.
And I wonder to myself: who are these people that don’t have any complications, or surprises, or conflicting priorities? Who are these people that breeze through, getting where they want through the mere act of wishing it? And if any of that were true about them, why would they need a coach in the first place?
It even happens with my clients sometimes. I see their results, and I think “Wow”. And then I remind myself about the work that went into the wow. The days when they were in a complete fog, the times that they didn’t feel brave or hopeful.
My job is to help with those moments. There’s no “dreams manifestation”, “good vibes only”, or questionable populist approaches in my coaching. That’s not really what coaching is.
There’s a process to coaching that involves deep interrogation of what holds you back or gets in the way, and then there’s concerted problem solving. Positive and negative emotions go hand in hand. They aren’t seperable.
You know, and I know, that even if social media tells us otherwise, everyone juggles multiple priorities and expectations. Everyone feels shit some days. Very few people get what they want without effort (though I am very aware that we live in an unequal world, and some people have access to many more opportunities and advantages than others).
Everyone feel shit some days.
In reality, change presents challenges for everyone, even if everyone approaches those challenges differently. Nobody got the exact life they wanted only by daydreaming. We are all humans, and humans are messy either because our emotional tools are imperfect, or because our circumstances are. Or most often, a bit of both. Optimism and positivity and visualising a bright future are useful tools. They make it easier to persevere, they can help with pushing through discomfort. But you have to use them in tandem with a lot of other tools including effective action-taking.
What working with a coach should be like
When you work with a coach both you and they have to be realistic about what it takes to get what you want. Over-blown promises are dishonesty dressed as hope. And here’s the stinger, even if these people can deliver you the “six figure revenue within six months” that they promise, financial resource is only ever a tiny part of the equation of satisfaction and happiness.
I’m a hopeful person, optimistic by nature, but I am also realistic that you may have to put three kids to bed every night instead of spending that time strategising for change, pay the bills rather than packing in your job on a whim, you may have to address crippling self-doubt or change your habits…
Good coaching is about you, in all your complexity, with all your conflicting goals and behaviours, in your glorious messiness… and finding the success that you want using who you are and what you can do.
I use an integrative approach of coaching tools, techniques and philosophies including solutions-based coaching, performance-coaching, cognitive-behavioural coaching, clean-language coaching (using metaphor and visualisation), and positive-psychology coaching.
I wish I could give you promises about untold riches. But I can’t. Because that would be a lie.
I have had some fantastic coaching successes this year, and many have involved financial improvements for clients. But what matters most is that all of my clients have been able to identify what really matters to them and have been able to pursue that.
While there have, amongst my coachees, been successful job changes, pay rises, new businesses, and career progressions, the things that have thrilled me are these…
· The new perspective on and acceptance of difficult feelings
· Finding challenge and excitement in stretch jobs
· Discovering freedoms that have created a sense of calm and contentment
· Letting go of discontent and valuing the adventure in their own back yard
· Finding balance in family and work life
· Developing problem solving skills
Do these sound like things you could get on board with? If you are fed up of “think positive” and want to make changes tha make profound positive differences to how you live and work, give me a shout. We can have an informal chat to see what you think about the idea of coaching.
I'm Jodie Lamb and I have been running Trevnee Coaching since early 2020. I've been an accredited life coach since 2008. I focus on Careers and Change. I work with people that are either thinking about changing things in their work and want a plan and support with acting on the plan; and people that are experiencing any kind of change in their lives and need help to make the most of it.
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